Full Circle
by l-annethunder
Summary: Sometimes things have to fall apart before one can come full circle...
1. Prologue

I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away  
Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have  
no choice, no way  
It ain't easy growin up in World War III  
Never knowin what love could be, well I've seen  
I don't want love to destroy me like it did my  
family

**Pink - Family Portrait lyrics**

**Disclaimer/Notes:** I own nothing! Not Sailor Moon, not the characters, NOTHING. Except for the plot that is all mine. Please don't sue; you won't get anything, as I have nothing to give. It is an insomnia production as well as having been inspired by really kind review to turn this into a full fledged fanfic. You rock Eclipse of Thunder. It will be slow going as I have no idea where I'm going w/this but feel free to tag along. :-D Moving on I am taking them from their sandbox and playing with them in mine. Yay sand!

It was two years ago that I left the old me behind, four years since I set foot in Japan. Now please here me out before you judge me, and you will pass judgment on me. People always do, even before they know me or my story.

I did leave I left my friends, I left my princess, I left my duty, every thing. But honestly it wasn't my fault. I guess if you press and press everything breaks eventually. I could have tried harder, been stronger, but it wasn't enough I wasn't enough of anything. So break I did.

All of me broke. She who had everything took what little I had been graced with.

They all but flaunted their relationship at me, Usagi who doesn't really know how to be mean did it the best. Simply opening her mouth every word that spewed forth was Seiya this, Seiya that. It made me sick. What hurt the most was that at one time that had been me.

So I did the cowardly thing up until graduation I ran. I ran really far, really fast; well almost. I put my nose down stuck to school like Ami-chan always told us too. I made myself scarce when they wanted to hang out. I was always _busy_ strangely enough I graduated with good grades and several offers to quite a few good culinary schools. I was even offered an apprenticeship to a four star restaurant right there in Tokyo but I didn't want to stay in Juuban. Far from here, where they were, was where I was headed. I wound up in Hokkaido, for school and then headed to the U.S.; it doesn't get much father than that.

And this is where my story begins…

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	2. All Falls Down

**Disclaimer/Notes:** I own nothing! Not Sailor Moon, not the characters, NOTHING. Except for the plot that is all, mine. This is an insomnia production fed by no sleep too many double chocolate chip muffins. To all whom have made this possible, for w/out their invaluable help this story would be wasting away on my hard drive. You all rock: Jovian Sun, JPandS, AquaTonic, & Eclipse of Thunder mad Huggles. Your validation, reasoning's, and suggestions make you all my muses. :-D Once again taking them from their sandbox and playing with them in mine. Yay sand! Also this is a mix of first and third person; tell me if it works or not kay.

Hmm so last time I said the U.S. was where my story began. Well I could just jump write into to how I can to be where I am today. But part of me feels like to tell you how I came to be here I need to tell you _how_ I got here.

It's as necessary as any thing else and besides it makes for a more dramatic effect, yes? So if you will, indulge me a little.

I am she, once known as Sailor Jupiter the senshi of Protection, best friend to her majesty Usagi, Sailor Moon and the future Queen of Crystal Tokyo.

Well until she stole my boyfriend, went behind my back and Mamoru's, lied to us both, and then proceeded to pretended everything was ok.

So last time I told you I ran and I did metaphorically. I left the old me hiding in the shadows of that tree across the park where I saw Usagi and Seiya almost screwing. I left my heart there in that park along with my faith, love and loyalty. How could I be a sailor suited soldier of Love and Justice if I didn't even know what those things were?

I have never downed my upbringing, it has made me stronger than most. I learned to bend, and in that bending I realized that took a great deal more for me to break.

In Usagi I discovered friendship, caring, honesty, the ability to be someone's friend without fear that they well feared me. She after Mamoru-kun was the only one. The girls came later. That in and of itself was enough to wound me, she who had so much compassion for our enemies treated me callously as if I were her enemy.

****Flashback****

"So why am I here?" Makoto followed Minako and Ami into their once resident meeting place, Rei's bedroom of the Hikawa Shrine.

"Why are you here? Uhh duh Ko-chan to hang with us. At the rate you were going, you were gonna turn into Ami-chan. No offense." The sunny response flit from the ever always effervescent senshi of love and beauty, Minako. Her attention diverting to Ami for a split second.

"You say that like it's a bad thing. Maybe if you had studied as hard as Mako-chan then maybe you too would be taking your University entrance exams as well, instead of summer school? Hmm." Ever practical, calm cool and collected Ami just smiled while pulling off her jacket and settling herself.

"University, spoonerversity, pbbtttt who needs it I'm gonna be pop-star and if that fails well, I've still got Crystal Tokyo. So there." Holding up a V and striking a pose.

Deadpanned Minako's logic never failed to amaze either one of them. Despite the many years of friendship Minako still had the ability to floor them.

Turning her attention back to Makoto, Ami dived right in, "What are you planning to do I know you applied for several schools and you have that apprenticeship here, have you come to a decision."

If Makoko thought she could have stalled she would have, but in the end it made no difference either way as Ami knew of almost every application she had filed.

"As a matter of fact I have but I feel it would be best if wait till everyone else arrives, yes."

"Why, can't you tell us? We don't mind if you repeat the story twice." Rei intoned from behind carrying a tray of snacks and tea.

"It's just better this way, trust me." So with shrugs and understanding the made idle chatter till everyone else decided to show.

The, everyone, in question being: Haruka, Michiru, Setsuna, Hotaru, Seiya, Taiki, Yaten, and of course Usagi.

Time slowly eked by then the Outers showed followed closely behind by the three lights and Usagi.

By this point the party was well under way; everywhere you looked there was food, fun and happy people. Well almost.

Minako not being the type to hold water once again brought Makoto to the forefront of the conversation, even though it was Rei who had brought it up with her mention of taking business classes to help learn the best was to market and run the shrine.

"So you said you were gonna tell where everybody got here. Everybody is here! So tell us!"

"Thanks Mina-chan, really thanks." Smiling sheepishly, Makoto cast her eyes around the room flitting to each individual face and then resting for second on Seiya and Usagi respectively.

"Yeah I guess I did say that huh? Well o.k. What Ami said was true I did get several acceptance letters to various Universities and even an apprenticeship here with _Toraya._"Smiling to Hershel Makoto proceeds onward, "But I'm not going to take it, I actually accepted the scholarship offered to me by the _Yoshida Gakuen'_s: Sapporo Belle epoque College of Confectionery and Culinary Arts in Hokkaido."

All across the room all you heard, and saw were expressions of huh and what the fuck? The _Toraya_ was known for their sweets and they were one of the best restaurants around and for her to pass up that chance well her friends were concerned to say the least as that had once been part of her dream.

Makoto felt proud herself for having been able to elicit the gasps of shock, awe, and silent admiration that swept through the room.

The shocked being: Usagi, Seiya, Luna, and Artemis; the awed being the inner senshi, and the admiration coming from the other starlight's and outers.

"Uhh, Mako-chan are sure? I mean not that I don't trust your judgment but why so far away? I mean we need you here. What can you do there that you can't do here?" Grabbing Usagi's attention for the first time that night.

Measuring, meeting and leveling Usagi's gaze for the first time I weeks she spoke ill, "What can't I do…? I would laugh if it didn't leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I can't do a lot of things here Usagi-san. I can't breath, can't sleep, can't eat, can't think because everywhere I look, there _you_ are. There _he_ is. There you _both _go. And it sickens me."

For the second time that night Makoto ignited gasps from all centered in that small room.

"You who were blessed with everything took what little I considered mine. And you, you are even worse than her. Because I know, you knew I knew, because you saw me see you two together. And you still couldn't tell me! And you Usagi if you are a Sailor Scout of Love and Justice, where was my Justice? Did I not have the right to know? Did I not garner a second thought from either one of you? And what of Mamoru…?"

Voice breaking, eyes misting Makoto persist onward, even though all she wanted to do was fall back. Her vivid green eyes steely, resentment filled her tone; while resignation threaded through her body as she stood up.

"I'm packed and leaving for school in two weeks, I have to be there early for several pre-semester seminars. I only came tonight because Minako-chan and Ami-chan told me I had too. That it had been to long since we all hung out as friends, as a team. But how could I when I…It had been my intention to do this differently, individually but that does not appear to be the case."

A little bewildered and shell-shocked they could only marvel at these unspeakable turn of events. Makoto gathered her things.

"I'm still senshi in spirit, in power and in my heart but I'm done now. Setsuna-san said that our times for trials are over for the moment. I intend to take advantage of that. But I _am _done now; I have protected _you_ princess always. And in another life I gave your mother my word therefore I will do my duty as a member of the alliance, whatever that may be. But never forget this Princess I fought _with _you, _for_ you, and _beside _you. And you in your thoughtless, selfishness brought harm to me and my best friend. You are she, who will always be my princess, but are no longer my friend."

****Flash Back End****

And I walked away. I gathered my things and left them to their shocked, confused, and dismayed silence.

Now JUDGE me…

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	3. Aftermath

**Disclaimer/Notes:** I own nothing! Not Sailor Moon, not the characters, NOTHING. Except for the plot that is all, mine. This is an insomnia production fed by no sleep too many double chocolate chip muffins, reviews and my own personal muse, beta, and she's practically my co-author **MapKwest2, mad huggles** to you, because w/out chapter may not ever have come out b/c writers block sucks. (hopefully this one's ok, it's just a scene setter, ch. 3 is all action trust me) :-D Once again taking them from their sandbox and playing with them in mine. Yay sand!

"Apathy is a sort of living oblivion."  
Horace Greely

Have you decided who and what I am now? Hmm… If not let me sway your opinion. I really wish that I could say I hated Usagi-san, that I loathed her and her existence. And yet I can't.

Even though in my darkest moments when memories assail me, I wished to do so desperately. That that sound of her name could congure anger and yet I couldn't, it doesn't and part of me hates my 'soft' heart for it.

But through her I learned something very important about my self. I learned how not to feel at all. That being in a world that desires you to control your desire, was easy when you had none.

True I still feel. I hurt. I ache. I feel passion for things, like cooking, martial arts, and the beauty that is nature. I love those closest to me like Mamoru, Haruka, Michiru, Setsuan and espcially Hotaru. Ami is still a good friend, though we haven't spoken at all.

Despit those my passion for people to accept me has waned. You cannot hurt that which was does not allow you in. As for Mamoru, misery does love company. But deep in my heart I could not hurt him for the soothing of  
my own hurt. So I did what I always did and tried to be a true friend by sending him care packages as away of saying I still care.

Funnily enough after my lovely soliloquy and the silence that reigned. My "friends" pursued me and my answers with dogged persistence.

~~~~~Flashback~~~~~

Ring, ring, ring.

Ring, ring, ring

_This is Mako I'm not home to take your call; you know what to do._

BEEP.

_MAKO! Where the hell are you? What was that last and why aren't you answering your communicator. We need to talk. You have much to answer for!"_

'Lovely, Rei really.'

Moving back to her kitchen Makoto stared at her very full answering machine.

'At least it's better than Haruka's stalking. That was just plain weird and uncomfortable.'

Haruka cornered her in small unused coffee shop, as Makoto had taken to avoiding the senshi's normal haunts. How Haruka found her she would never know. But it went better than expected. Well there was minimum yelling at least. And nobody got punched. That was entirely Michiru's influence she was sure.

"Who are you to leave your duty, and why! Do you know how much trouble you've caused? Koneko-chan's all upset, she can't sleep, can't eat does, she does nothing but cry. Do you even care that the inners are looking for you. Do you have any idea what your little tantrum could do to the timeline? Explain yourself!"

"Well I would if I could get a word in edgewise. But since I can't, I guess I'll be going then." In all her sarcastic glory Makoto bit out and then began grabbing her things, while waving a single hand for the check.

"I didn't take you for a coward Mako-chan." Came the soft but firm, like steel, voice of Michiru.

"Call me what you will. But as I said then, I am done. Nothing anyone can say can change that. And as for Usagi-san's tears, let her cry." Surprising her own self Makoto found she neither felt angry, or sad but merely apathetic; despite the coldness of her words.

'It's the least she can do, I've shed enough tears for them already.' Thinking to herself, Makoto proceeded to get up when unexpectedly she found herself being pushed back down, with Michiru seating herself next to her. Glaring mildly at Haruka till she grudgingly did the same, across from them.

Coming face to face with Michiru, she expected nothing but scorn and irritation. Yet found calm, sympathetic, understanding.

"Order something, this could take a while." Her voice came out dry, low, and indifferent. This contrasted greatly with her wide hurt-filled verdant irises.

After having received their orders and more than ten minutes of awkward silence; Haruka broke first.

"What happened?" Confusion arranging her features and littering her barely restrained voice.

"Usagi happened. Seiya happened. They just happened together is all."

"What do you mean happened? She's with Mamoru and you and Seiya..."

Makoto finally looks up from her re-filled coffee cup. "They are, but she and Seiya are dating as well. At least they are now."

It just came down to explaining why she had to leave. Granted bringing up those memories was hard for her, it seemed Haruka took it worse. Not truly being a fan of Seiya's anyway, but tolerated his presence and made peace. She was civil to him even but by the end of Makoto's explanation she was couldn't seem to find one nice thing to say.

"That dirty rotten slime ball asshole! Did he even consider your feelings? Let me at him, I'm gonna give him a new hole breathe through."

Michiru not being one to condone cursing let her slide, as she too had less than satisfactory notions about his behavior. Usagi was not made an innocent either; none were spared the verbal lashing.

"It seems our degenerate leader has become nothing more than a boyfriend stealer. All those notions about love seems to have gone straight to her head. Apparently she can't be left alone, and after Mamoru left for school she was quite sad. Therefore she goes for the next best thing which is Seiya. It doesn't help that he has always made his affection for her known, she was his dumpling. And at last back where she wanted to be, someone's number 1. As for Seiya he is nothing but a weak man, instead of vying for her heart he chose you, and broke yours. Because Usagi finally decided that she wants him. I just hate that they've forgotten and hurt the people who have stood beside them all this time in their rash, selfish conduct."

When all was said and done, Makoto promised to keep in contact with them at least. And that they wouldn't say a word about her whereabouts till she felt ready, again that was completely Michiru's influence as Haruka was ready to take on the town on her behalf.

"We love you and you will always be welcome in our house, don't you forget that okay." Giving her a hard hug Haruka pulled back so Michiru could do the same.

"If you need us you call, anytime. Don't think your leaving is going to change a thing we will track you down and let Hotaru tickle you to death if use this as an excuse for abandoning us."

It was hard not to laugh because this being Michiru she knew she was serious. Hugging them once more and promising to stop by soon, Makoto stepped back from the curb and waved as they drove off. Choosing to walk instead of risking her life as one of Haruka's passengers she found herself alone once more.

'So what to make for dinner…"

"Makoto! Stop! I want to talk to you!" A voice sounded off behind her.

Makoto turned around only to see flashes of hair and a set of blue eyes, which was all she needed to see to start running. And ran she did. Only they were faster and before she knew it, they'd grabbed her arm and spun her around. She came face to face with one of two people she didn't want to see right now.

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	4. Never Again

**Disclaimer/Notes:** I own nothing! Not Sailor Moon, not the characters, not the lyrics I borrowed they belong to Kelly Clarkson's: Never Again. So yeah, NOTHING! Except for the plot that is all, mine. This is an insomnia production fed by no sleep, too many double chocolate chip muffins, awesome reviews (wow people are actually reading my stuff o.O) and my own personal muse/beta/co-author **MapKwest2, mad huggles** to you, because you always provide a keen eye and let me rant. ALSO big note: there was one story by Viper Inferno called "Forest Fire", I commend this author but believe that they something that most authors who write Mako-chan always do. He made amped up her aggression factor and she is ruled by her temper. So I'm not plagiarizing but we do have similar sentencing and situations as this is my version of how I see Makoto reacting in an emotional situation, rather than fighting and harming another individual. Each author is entitled to their artistic license and I'm just flexing mine.

"_Heaven has no rage, like love to hatred turned,  
Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorned."_

_William Congreve_

So I left you all last time wondering just whom I had come face to face with, yes? I could laugh, even though I felt more like crying. I felt a rage well up with-in me that I was sure had long since been settled. I guess that is what comes of avoidance. Avoidance merely becomes apathy, not acceptance. Granted I don't believe that I will ever come accept them. Tolerate maybe, accept Never, and you can forget about Respect.

Hmm, it seems I'm talking in circles huh? You must surely be bursting at the seams to know whom I had come face to face with. The person that made _me_ want to run faster and farther away from them. Hints only go so far, and I do know far too many people with blue eyes.

I could say who but I'd rather paint you a picture…

~~~~Flashback~~~~

"_YOU_!" Who knew venom could rage out of one simple three letter word. But it did. Anyone passing by could see the fury that now blazed in Makoto's eyes.

If the wording had no effect the malice glinting through her posture, voice and overall body language told Seiya to step back. It said 'be afraid, be very afraid.' But he never headed warnings much, ever, why start now. And therefore moved to block her.

"Please can we talk? Ko-chan, I feel like there is much that has gone unsaid between us. You won't answer your phone or communicator; you're never at home. I always knew you were hard to track down but really."

"Who are _you_ to call me Ko-chan, I am not _your_ Ko-chan. If you feel the need to address me Kino-san works just fine. Granted I don't expect you'll have to use it much because there is nothing that needs to be said."

"Really, I know you don't believe me. But please hear me out." Seiya moved his body once again to block Makoto's movements, as she once again began looking for an exit.

"You know what fine. You've got five minutes. Go ahead, explain your life away. It won't change anything."

"Can we at least go somewhere more private?" Looking around them people were slowing down to stare. "If nothing else can we at least move out of the park walkway."

"Why should we, this is where you ended _us_, right over there by that tree. Or don't you remember? You and the rabbit were going at it. Its fitting don't you think. " She looked down at her manicured nails, and then back to Seiya all the while pointing to said tree.

Seiay merely looked stupefied at her bravado and the crispness of her words.

"Four minutes."

"Alright! I thought you said you were going to hear me out."

"You're the one wasting time…"

"Fine, what became of us, you wanna know." He slowly began to pace.

"Usagi needed me, okay! She needed me to take care of her, she lets be a gentleman. As gentleman to a lady, Usagi lets me do things for her without her asking. I can show her through my actions how much I think about her."

His pacing stops and he suddenly turns to face Makoto, eyes burning with emotion and the want to make her see his side of things. "But _you…_ unless you ask me, I didn't really get to do anything for you. You are far more self-sufficient that she is, and though that's an admirable trait. I..I .. I just _need _someonewho _needs_ me. I'm sorry."

All he is met with are scorn-filled verdant eyes, tense body language and terse words.

"I'm _sorry. _She _needed _me. I _didn't need_ you enough. She _lets_ you be a _gentleman_. I'm _more_ self-sufficient. It's an _admirable _trait_."_ Makoto finds herself pacing this time. She tries valiantly to gather her thoughts. Suddenly she spins around and it all comes out.

"You need someone, who needs you! What about the times I needed you and you still weren't there. You weren't there because you put everyone else first! Taiki, Yaten. Kami-sama forbid Usagi rang your phone, you were running out the door so fast, it was hard to tell if you were even there in the first place." Makoto's eye brimmed with un-shed tears and her fists curled up at her sides. She'd never felt like punching anyone as much she felt like punching Seiya right then and there. But in the back of her mind she knew if she gave into to that desire her fists wouldn't stop swinging till he was bloody and her anger was spent.

'He's not worth the loss of my self-control, I _won't_ give in. I do and he wins. He'll be the bigger man, everyone will think that I'm the bad one behaving like a child and picking a fight because he broke up with me. Well he and everybody else in this asinine world can kiss my ass while riding a coaster to hell.'

Makoto then turned her attention back to Seiya, looked him square in the eye, "I told myself it was selfish to want you to stay if they needed you. Time after time, call after call. Then I just didn't expect you to stay at all. I made myself stop needing you, because you weren't reliable. But you took my trust for granted, you went behind my back and because she _needed you_. Well she can need you all she wants because I'm done with you. This situation, everything."

Taking a step and letting her body relax, she let the calming breathe flow through her body.

"Never again will I hear you. Your words will fall on deaf ears. Never again will I miss you. You are pitiable liar and a cheat. Never again will I love you. My heart is long closed off from yours. As for you I would never wish bad things but I _don't _wish you well Seiya. As for Usagi if she really knows the truth, and I'm sure she does, then she truly _deserves_ you. You can keep your cute, pretty_, needy_ little trophy girl. But when all is said and done _Never Again _will I need either one of you."

~~~~Flashback~~~~

And once more I walked away, leaving a deathly silence in my wake.


	5. Silence

"_Silence is the most powerful scream"  
__Unknown_

Silence. There are some who can't enjoy silence. I'm _not_ one of those people. Silence is and has always been my friend. When one has been alone for as long as I have, you either learn to love it or you hate it. For such a long time I hated the silence. I went out of my way to make my empty apartment feel less lonely, less quiet. The sad thing was it wasn't less lonely. Less quiet sure, but it was no less lonely. The girls made my house feel more like a home. Then I lost Seiya and I found myself living my days in a blur. One of sound but no words. One of people but no faces. One of various locations but no places. I became a broken, vague, and distorted image of the fierce woman I used to be. And I finally cried. And silence embraced, it _let _me cry. It let me scream, shout, and rage. There were no false words of consolation, no pitied stares and with that I embraced the silence.

So I left Seiya to his silence, his thoughts and my dust. I walked away and it felt so good. I felt cleansed for the first time in awhile. And yet as good as I felt having told Seiya what he could do for me, I knew in my mind and in my heart that there was one more stop that I had to make before I could go home. Before I could truly clear my mind and go back to being myself, even if I was no long the same me as I was before this fiasco. Before I could truly register in my mind where I was headed my feet lead me to the place where I spent most of my high school life and the entirety of my senshi career.

_Hikawa Jinja_

~~~~~Flashback~~~~~

Makoto slowly, but steadily ascended the steps to the Cherry Hill Temple. Hesitation couldn't be found anywhere near her person. For once she felt completely calm and sure of herself. The surety showed in her stride, her body language, on her face.

Taking the time to take in her surroundings Makoto could only admire the trees and marvel at the foliage that surrounded the property. It truly was beautiful and that made her sad as this was one of the few places she ever found herself at complete peace. With that in mind she slowed down her pace and enjoyed the calm that over came her every time she set foot on the property. Coming to a complete stop at the top of the stairs, Makoto made a quick left towards her favorite Oak tree. Placing her hands on the trunk, despite never being overly religious, she said a prayer. Asking silently for the courage and patience to face the torrent of anger she knew would be waiting for her on the other side of the door. She asked for understanding and the ability to explain. Mostly she asked luck to be with her on her long journey, as she was sure this would be her last time here as well.

"Makoto-chan! How are you? The girls are inside do you want me to let them know you were here…" Turning rapidly Mako-chan merely hugged Rei's grandfather. Being the sweet old lech he was, no complaints were given.

"What was that for?" Smiling lightly Mako tuned to the bag she picked up on the way here.

"These are for you, dango; I know how much you love them. Granted they're not homemade but consider this a thank you for all you've done for us. It can't have been easy having five squealing girls in you home all the time."

"No that's where you are wrong. It was good to have a house full of people. Kami-sama knows my Rei-chan needed friends. She's a good girl but here temper runs people away. And even though it's her way of not getting hurt, by not letting anyone get to close. I was glad to see there were some people who didn't take no for an answer. And she's so much better for it. So no I thank you."

And with a bright smile and a low bow, he left her as she was.

"Alright let's do this."

With renewed vigor and spirit Makoto made her way to Rei's room.

"I still don't understand it, why would Mako-chan say those things. Come-on Usa-chan we need to know the whole story. We can't really be a team if they're secrets."

"…"

"Get it together meatball head! We're trying to help you." Obvious frustration littered Rei's voice. But more than that Usagi's silence was starting to worry her. She has never been this quiet for as long as she'd been lately. It seemed Makoto's words really got to her. 'But then I guess I would be the same way if one my friends said those things to me…

_"I'm still senshi in spirit, in power and in my heart but I'm done now. Setsuna-san said that our times for trials are over for the moment. I intend to take advantage of that. But I __am __done now; I have protected __you__ princess always. And in another life I gave your mother my word therefore I will do my duty as a member of the alliance, whatever that may be. But never forget this Princess I fought __with __you, __for__ you, and __beside __you. And you in your thoughtless, selfishness brought harm to me and my best friend. You are she, who will always be my princess, but are no longer my friend."_

"Be nice Rei. She's just had a good friend tell her she's a selfish bitch and go to hell."

"Minako!" Ami admonished, and then hazard a glance at Usagi who seemed not hear her at all.

"What!... Oh come off it Ami-chan let's be real here. Makoto did, in the nicest way as she knew how, but she did. She told them to fuck-off and essentially is abandoning us! It's not fair that she… Mako, my best-friend is leaving, she won't return my calls. No-bodies saying anything about what the hell is going on and your acting like my mom casue I brought it up!" Tears welled in Minako's eyes and unconsciously her hands hand rendered the Kleenex she was holding to pieces.

Her frustration rising as well, Ami tried not to show it. "I know that but you don't need to keep repeating it. And Rei neither do you. She'll tell us when the time comes. And as for Mako-chan, we just need to give her some space. She will probably come around, whenever she's ready."

"I don't see why we can't just go over to Mako-chan's place and make her tell us what's going on. I mean it's all her fault for Usagi being this way. She needs to take responsibility for her actions." Rei rose, teapot in hand, and began heading for the kitchen.

"Really Rei-san. I need to take responsibility for y actions?" Making her prescience finally known, Makoto steps out from the shadows.

"How long were you standing there?" Concern pierced Ami's tone.

"Long enough." Came her short, clipped reply.

"I'm glad every bodies here. We need to talk."

"Yes the hell we do!" Rei stated with barely contained rage. "Where the hell have you been? You don't answer you phone. You ignore your communicator! Who do you think you are? I mean after all Usagi-chan has done for you. You have the audacity to say she's no longer your friend! Where do you get off thinking you can do that!"

"Rei!" Minako and Ami shout at the same time.

"Are you done?" Surprised by the calmness of her voice all four turned to look at Makoto.

"What do you mean am I done? I haven't even scratched the surface."

"Then please go ahead and finish your tirade. I would much rather you have it all out of your system before I begin; I won't take kindly to being interrupted. So if you will, continue." Makoto promptly sat down facing her, knees curled underneath herself, and waited.

Rei unfortunately couldn't seem to bring herself to say anything at all.

"Why?" Minako's words trembled, blue eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Why, tell me why. Why do you want to leave us? What did we do that was so terrible that you feel as if there is nothing left for you here? Did we miss something so important that you can't trust us to help you anymore? I just don't understand…."

Makoto felt the guilt she had buried, in regards to her leaving the senshi, resurface a little bit at Minako's obvious heartbreak.

"Understand this Min-chan it's not you. It's not Rei, or Ami-chan's fault. This is something that I have to do. And yes you were oblivious to my problems but we are different people than we where in high school. We're still friends but I didn't expect you to notice that Seiya had broke my heart or that Usagi had betrayed my trust. It's because of them that I have to go."

Resigned Rei spoke, "You keep saying that but why. Tell us why. Usagi won't say anything. Seiya changes the subject. The outers tell us to ask "the princess." But nobody will give us a straight answer. _Please_ Mako, what's going on."

"Fine you want to know why I _have_ to go, why I _want_ to go. I'll tell you. I'll explain everything. Oh and Usagi pay attention because I know you're listening."

~~~~~Flashback~~~~~

Then and there I laid it all on the line.


	6. I'm Doin' Me

_"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go."__  
__~ Hermann Hesse_

Disclaimer: I own nothing; I am just playing with SM & its character's. Nor do I own the song "I'm Doin' Me" by Fantasia. They don't belong to me. It's all the property of the rich people, am taking out their sandbox and playing with them in mine.

A/N: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews they keep me inspired to write so for that here's a new chapter. Consider it my X-mas gift to all of you. And those who don't celebrate well it' a present then.

So once again I left you hanging on my words and the edge of your seat huh? Well I guess in that case since I did stop so abruptly I'll skip the prologue and jump right in…

~~~~~Flashback~~~~

Turning to look Rei straight in the eye, Makoto adjusted her posture once more so she was sitting straight up; all the while taking in the resigned, distressed, confused, and ambivalent expressions of each fellow inner senshi.

"You all wonder why I keep saying that and why Usagi won't say anything. Why Seiya changes the subject. Why the outers send you back to her. Why when all is said and done no one will give a straight answer."

Gaining renewed confidence with each word she moved forward. Eye growing as cold as the words she spoke.

"I'll tell you why. It's because your leader, our Princess is a flawed individual wrapped in a veneer of perfection. She's is someone who can have so much heart for the enemy and yet as stands, cares very little for those who have stood by her side.

"Mako-chan how can you say that!" Gasps ran the gamut of the room except, for Minako who merely hazard a glance in Usagi's direction.

She was rewarded with a embarrassed and yet thoughtful expression. It seemed Makoto finally made an impact on their very passive and ambivalent leader.

"I can because it's true. I've never lied to any of you and I don't intend to start now." Looking from Rei to Usagi, and back again she began directly.

"You want to know what happened here it is, Usagi and Seiya are together. I could say she stole him but that implies he's property. And he's not. I wish I could blame it on gravitation but that implies there's no alternative, and there was. So we'll say they were selfish individuals lacking morality. They got close, according to Seiya, as Usagi-san needed a friend, and Seiya was more than happy to oblige. We all remember the weeks following Mamo-kuns return to school. I guess misery loves company because it wasn't till I saw them doing everything short of fucking in the park that it hit me. All the times Seiya had to leave because a _good friend_ was in trouble. It was important that he be there made sense. So I don't know what's worse his lying and pretending or her being my friend and sleeping with my boyfriend behind my back. Either way it's over. I know it, acknowledge it, and accept it.

Despite her honesty Mako-chan was awarded with what she expected, various outcries of rage.

"That's no reason to leave! You being very immature. She's still you're princess."

"Maybe if Mamoru would have stayed then she wouldn't have glanced at Seiya."

Surprisingly Ami was as up in arms as Rei. Face flushed and aggravation painting her delicate features. Rei was no less upset. Minako had yet to say a word.

Makoto merely ignored they're cries of rage and turned to Usagi, who it seemed was okay with letting her senshi fight her battles.

"Why? You have everything. You have a family who may sometimes push you too hard, but they love you. You had a boyfriend who would take on the world for you. You have friends who would fight till the end for you. You have a bright well-known future ahead of you. So tell me why?" Her calm visage, cracking minutely with the slightest quiver of her voice.

"You who can seem to do no wrong, did _me_ wrong. You offered Seiya something that I could never do. You offered him _you_. And _you knew _he loved you. I could deal with not being the first in his heart. I was more than content to just have a place there. And yet rather than stay true to the one, who above all others, loves you. You went after Seiya. So tell me why Usagi, why should stay when I can't stand you. When I can't trust you. When I don't _believe_ in you. Tell me why should I follow you? Answer me!"

If there was ever a time when Usgai, who was not known for her courage, but her great heart, should have answered it was then. And yet Makoto was met with silence. Turning back to the inners, who faces showed various levels of anger and concern could only stare.

"And now you all know. Sp therefore I'm moving on. I'm doing me now. I've given more that I should to people who didn't treat me well. I gave my heart, my time, did all that I could in every way to help. But my eyes are open now and I've come to realize that I don't need any other. And I know exactly what I deserve. So I'm doin me, this time around. I don't need you now. I'd rather be by myself. This entire situation so I _won't _let your drama hold me down. I've finally found I'd rather be by myself, I'm doin' me. I won't spend another minute wasting my time. So I'm being selfish and putting myself in first place.

If you wish to see me you know where I am. If you have a problem with anything I've said tonight then go a ahead a speak. It won't change anything though.

Finally after much quiet non-verbal deliberation, 0ut of nowhere Usagi's voice rang out for the first time.

"You're doing you? Hah! You can't do you, you are my senshi. Your job is to protect me. You can't leave if I tell you to stay."

Unhappiness lacing each word, and painting her features much the same way.

"No one wants to deal with you. You're clingy. You're pushy. You're existence is quiet pathetic. Seiya always mentioned how he couldn't wait to get away from you. Was all too happy to run into my arms. Because he didn't have to feel sorry for being happy when he's with me. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try you'll always be a super strong tom-boy, karate maniac, that no-one would want to date. I mean who would, you're always the first to barge into battle with no thought and then you die. It's just too much pressure to be friends with you much less fall in love."

Each word laced with malice and meant to cut. And yet for some odd reason they didn't.

"Better to be a super-strong tom-boy with a death wish, than a whiny little bitch that needs to be saved all the time. When it comes down to levels of pathetic you beat me by a mile. I may get hurt, but at least I can defend myself. I may even die but at least I _know _I fought back. It doesn't take seeing all of my friends fall before me to get up the nerve to act. No you tell me who's pathetic. Without the ginzuishou you're less than nothing, you're harmless and you know it."

"How dare you! I can strip you, you know! I can take everything! Your title, your powers! Don't test me. I'm in charge here." With a backbone tempered by rage Usagi stands up.

Meeting her head on Makoto does the same.

"I'd like to see you try. You may be the princess of the Silver Millennium, but you're no Queen of Earth. Need I remind you that you need Mamoru for that. And who's to say he even still wants you. Do you honestly think I'd let my best friend honor a whore. As for my title, I am a princess just like you. I was a princess long before you and I will be a princess long after you. My powers are my own, as is my rank, so your threats mean nothing to me."

~~~~Flashback end~~~~

And with that I gave a slight bow, that she did not deserve, and left it all behind.


	7. Do Nothing?

"_Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing."_

_Denis Waitley_

Disclaimer: I own nothing; I am just playing with SM & its character's. They don't belong to me. It's all the property of the rich people, am taking out their sandbox and playing with them in mine.

A/N: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews they keep me inspired to write so for that here's a new chapter. Wish it was more than filler but yeah writer's block sucks, don't be too mad kay (ducks flying tomatoes). XD

I wish I could say after my triumphant exit that things were easy. That nothing could go wrong, that I didn't feel this crazy listlessness deep in my bones. I thought the inners would let me be, that we had said all that need be said. Rei was quite this time, I was expecting her anger. Strangely enough it was Ami who decided I needed a talking to as she gave me what fore via my answering machine. I didn't even know she knew how to curse. As for Usagi well it was as if she never existed in my life because I never saw her and I knew Minako could be tenacious when she wanted something, but I didn't realize just how much...

~~~~Flashback~~~~

"You know Haruka-san is right you are a hard person to track down when you don't want to be found." Turning around to see my former second-in-command puffing and slightly out of breathe. Minako always struck a stunning visage. She was always so very bright from her clothing to her sunny personality. But I know that beneath that shiny exterior lays a battle harden warrior. I could have moved from my spot on the ground but then I figured that would motivate her to stay and I wasn't sure if I was ready for conversation.

"It all exploded after you left." She flopped down on the ground next to where I was reading, under my favorite tree.

"…" I said nothing, but I guess my eyes betrayed me and said everything about how curious I was about the situation I left behind, because she proceeded onward.

"Usagi was really upset after you left. I mean super, she was fuming! I've never seen her pace back and forth the way she did, but boy did she pace. She paced and cursed. Cursed and paced. Bad as it is I tried not to laugh at her." It was hard to take her seriously considering she herself was laughing about laughing at Usagi.

"Anyway as you probably know Rei raged and surprisingly Ami-chan did too. I tried to interject but couldn't get a word in edgewise, finally figured once it's out of everybody's systems we could talk rationally right…that didn't happen. Hell they looked at me crazy for not being mad. I'm pretty sure they're mad at me right now for not being mad at you." Minako said trying to contain her giggles.

"There's nothing to talk about." Casting a glance for the first time in Minako's direction.

The laughter faded, "Of course there is. Well between me and you anyway. You and the others, not so much." Sobering slightly the laughter finally leaving her cornflower blue eyes, "I don't want to lose you as a friend because of Usagi. She might be the reason we met, but let's be for real, you know me better than anyone. And Rei is always going to take Usagi's side. She might talk about her but at the end of the day. Usagi _is_ Rei's best friend. As for Ami-chan it looks like she'll side with them too this time. But I think that has more to do with you putting personal issues above the 'greater good' than the fact that she supports Usagi's behavior." Greater good being said with air quotes no less.

Minako moved from her resting position to her side, so she could look at Mako-chan. She was going to make her deal with this whether she wanted to or not.

"Ok fine what do you and I have to talk about…"

"Well we need to talk about Usagi and what she said that night. Fact is she considers her well being above all others now. I know it's our job to protect her and I will continue to do so, but maybe the meaning has changed you know. I mean you said it yourself there's no Crystal Tokyo without Mamoru. And true she is still our princess but what does that mean now?"

Minako turned to Makoto as if waiting for some kind of answer, any answer.

"I don't know we could ask Setsuna-san or we could just take this as a sign that maybe we need to do us for now. Wait and see how it all plays out, if Crystal Tokyo is meant to happen then it will."

"And if it doesn't?" Minako looking for the first time since Makoto had known her, slightly afraid.

"Then at least we know we didn't waste our time waiting on an absolution that would never come."

Minako and Makoto both found themselves left to deep thoughts as they got up and said their goodbyes.

Makoto found herself once more listless and she knew that the thing she had been putting off for so long needed to happen. She needed to talk to Mamoru and she would.

~~~~Flashback End~~~~

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	8. All Comes Down to This

**Title:** Full Circle: All Comes Down to This  
**Author:** annethundr05  
**Fandom:** SM  
**Pairing:** None for now  
**Rating:** T (language)  
**Summary:** No one said telling the truth was easy.  
**Disclaimer: **I own nothing; I am just playing with SM & its character's. They don't belong to me. It's all the property of the rich people, am taking out their sandbox and playing with them in mine.  
**A/N:** Rating may go up at a later date. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews they keep me inspired to write so for that here's a new chapter after such a long time. Wish it was more than filler once again but yeah this time I don't want to cooperate with my muses (RL has me way too tired), don't be too mad kay. Bits and pieces come from my other story The Letter. So without further ado XD

_I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies." _

_Pietro Aretino_

I left that park listless and tired. Life had somehow made me tired. I was completely bone-weary. And for the first time in a long time I was scared and uncertain. Like Minako, maybe not as much, but I had always felt better knowing that my future was slightly pre-ordained. I could live it knowing that the future in many ways was set. I didn't have to be scared like those around me. I didn't have to try so hard or worry about grades, marriage, or what kind of job I would pursue. It was easy, life was easy. I could be as dedicated to the pursuit of my happiness as I wished. And now suddenly I've let that safety net go and I find myself shaking. And even more than the uncertain future facing me, was the ever daunting phone call that I needed to make.

I couldn't not make it. Minako had the courage to track me down and go against Usagi to find me. She's in many ways given up her safety in their accepted friendship to pursue mine. I can at least do that for Mamoru.

For once I'm not sure if I'm as strong as the others assume me to be. They see what I want them too see, they've only looked as deep as I let them. And only three people have ever attempted to look deeper than that: Shinozaki, Minako, and Mamoru. At one time Usagi would have been counted among that number. And yet I guess like me, she too, was quite capable at hiding her own true face.

Jove save me, Juno give me the strength to do that which I find impossible.

I pick up the phone.

It rings, once. Twice. Three times.

"Hello." A soft strong, voice calls from the other end.

"Koto-chan? Are you there?" Concern ringing across water, and miles.

"If you are answer me. What's wrong? You're scaring me." Voice rising, panic, rising, fear and concern induced.

"I'm here." Voice sounding far weaker than I wish it too be; scared, cautious ready to run at a moment's notice. I guess I am all these things. I hate it.

"We need to talk." Better, stronger, more like me. I don't want to scare him anymore than I have already.

"What's up? You okay?" Once again his concern radiates. That just makes me so mad at Usagi for everything she's done. I could choke her, the violence calling to me like a siren's song.

My mind wanders once again what to say right as my lips utter "I'm fine. How are you?" Small talk, idle chatter, inconsequential and meaningless.

"I'm good, but that's not what you called me for. So spit it out." His voice, calm, steady, the very definition of Earth. I guess that's what drew me to him my own temperament bipolar is like a lighting storm. It strikes fast, hard, and scorches all the while at the same soothes like rain. At least that's what Mamoru says. I just hope this doesn't cause and earthquake.

"Koto-chan, Makoto-chan, MAKOTO!"

"Huh! What." Startled I look at the phone in my hand and realieze once again what I was trying to do.

"I'm sorry I drifted off for a second." I try to sound placating. I said I wasn't going to cause him and duress and yet that seems to be all I'm doing. Shoring my strength the words rush out.

"Look just listen, don't say anything just hear me out. I don't think I can do this twice ok." I take one long deep breath and …

"Everything has gone crazy. The situation has totally spiraled out of control. I don't know what to do. I ready to cut my losses and say fuck it. Fuck her, fuck them, and fuck the whole damn thing. I'm a bitch; because I called it quits and I'm still friends with you. Usagi is mad at that, at me because I chose not to stand on the wayside while she hurt you and me. Did you know that after you left to go back to school she hooked up with Seiya. Did you know he and I were still together. He fed me a cock-and-bull story: she _needed _him, let him help her. She was hurt and sad and I didn't need him enough. So I guess that made it ok. Know I don't blame you I blame Usagi for being selfish and Seiya for being a coward. They didn't tell me I found out the hard way which is why I'm telling you and instead of…

Anyway I thought he was off the Usaig train but they were screwing around behind both our backs. It wasn't till I saw them doing everything short of fucking by an oak tree in the park one late night, did I see it. He couldn't end it, wasn't man enough to say it was over, either way it was over. I saw it, knew it, acknowledged it. And as much as I wanted to go over there and kick both their asses to hell and back, for you sake and mine; my body wouldn't move. I just stood there watching and crying. Then I finally left the park and never once looked back. They gave me lame excuses well Seiya did Usagi... I don't know who she is anymore but she's not the girl who befriended me in Junior High. I could never hurt you like that, and thus telling you this sucks for me. Know I would never lie to you. Especially when you're happiness is on the line. If I thought for a second that you would be better off not knowing I wouldn't say a thing. But I can't and I don't, so I am. Just know that I love you okay."

With mirthful laughter, "I guess misery does love company. But they also say payback is a bitch. But I've learned, for real, it's the interest that's a motherfucker. So with that bad news said, please don't take this too hard. Please take care of yourself; I would hate to lose you."

I don't think I breathed once. And silence permeated the other end.

"Feel better?" He asked.

I was floored here I was telling him his girlfriend of many years had cheated on him and he's comforting Me. This was so backwards.

"Glad you got that off your chest. But I'm aware of Usagi and Seiya."

He went quiet like he was trying to decide how to explain it all. "Strange thing is Usagi called me not to long ago. She was raving mad mind you. But was quite adamant about not letting that green-eyed bitch threaten her, and she'd tell me herself. I was wondering what you had done to make her so angry. Needless to say I knew part of it as she went around the world about you leaving your duty and eventually told on herself when she said you had no right to be mad he picked the better woman and I should speak to you. So it corroborated with what my mind was telling me as she was never home. Never could answer a call or email."

I was speechless he wasn't mad, or angry. I beat myself up trying to figure out a way to tell him and he already knew. I wasn't sure whether to be relieved or pissed at him.

I settled for both. "Say What? I've been killing myself over this and you knew…"

"Like you I was trying to think of the best way to tell you I knew. But then I knew you'd eventually tell me if you knew and then I wasn't sure _if_ you knew. So I like you wasn't sure what to do. I thought about calling you and then I thought it would be better face to face. And I've got vacation next week so I figured I'd do it when I came home for the summer."

I was too lit, so I did the only thing I knew how to do when I'm that angry I hung up.

"Beep…"

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